User:Halogod35/Bible

Halogod’s Bible Chapter 1: Creation

And so there was a god, who ate a delicious burrito made out of stars and planets. When he ate the burrito; his intestines divided by zero. But since it is a commandment that you can’t divide by zero, he ripped out the big bang. Thus creating planets out of toxic gas particles, yes they are that fucking big.

Chapter 2: The war

There was another god governing the planet earth. Halogod did not approve, so there was a war. He confronted him and said, “Get the fuck out, my e-peen is bigger than yours.” And so God’s penis shrunk into a vagina and Halogod had banished him.

Chapter 3: Life

Halogod had created a guitar forged out of planets and the strings made from the Milky Way. As he played the song of life; Halogod said “Fear awakens!” With this, air started breezing with a loud power chord. As the wave of air went by, things started moving and started coming to life.

Chapter 4: Problems

Halogod created a human being, an ugly some bitch. He woke up one day on the island of pango fuck yourself. He was enjoying killing stuff with the Jesus Beam. Sooner or later grinding got old and then he looked up into the sky and cried, “God, I’m bored. I need someone to fuck.” Halogod did not need any other excuse to create a girl. “I see wut you did thar” he said. After that, he created the world’s hottest and sexiest girl; by the name of Jordan.

Halogod’s Commandments 53c710n 1: Life


 * 1) You shall do unto one as they would unto you.
 * 2) You shall waste not, want not.
 * 3) You shall not cease to exist if you plan on smoking.
 * 4) You shall have a style.
 * 5) You shall not get stupid tattoos, only meaningful ones.
 * 6) You shall get a gewd edumacation
 * 7) You shall not fuck your sister, even if she's hot.
 * 8) You shall not fall into Mircosuck's cheap gimmicks.
 * 9) You shall never attempt to divide by zero with a hadron collider.
 * 10) Why so serious?

53c710n 2: Laziness


 * 1) You shall know every episode to SpongeBob Squarepants.
 * 2) You shall know every famous line from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
 * 3) If your legs don't stop moving 2 minutes after you do, you've got a problem.
 * 4) You shall never waste money on going to a movie that was made by the same people who made scary movie.
 * 5) You shall have a computer.
 * 6) You shall have a cell phone.
 * 7) You shall be able to text 500 words a minute on your phone.
 * 8) You shall try a French fry at least once in your life.

53c710n 3: Gaming


 * 1) Thou shall not speak like a retard. (leet)
 * 2) You may type like a retard, only if you can type well normally.
 * 3) In Guild Wars, you shall not no never ever use mending.
 * 4) You shall always dye your golden pillars purple. No exceptions.
 * 5) Thou shall not waste your life trying to beat Ninja Gaiden 2 in master mode just to get the achievement.
 * 6) You shall have played Halo series at least once.
 * 7) Thou shall know the game classics and respect them (Pac-Man, Super Mario, 1945, Metroid, Halo, Super Smash Bro's, and etc.)
 * 8) The sky box is the limit.

53c710n 4: Wealth


 * 1) Follow the blue rabbit.
 * 2) Thou shall not gamble, or you're going to hell.
 * 3) You shall need a ring of wealth. (only need 50k first)
 * 4) Thou shall not follow the rainbow, there is no gold. Only fake promises and potatoes.

53c710n 5: Music


 * 1) Even if you listen to crap, thou shall have respect for the band gods. (Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, the Beatles, Pink Floyd, Metallica, AC/DC, Blue Oyster Cult, and etc.)

53c710n 6: Love


 * 1) You shall not be blinded by a girl's bullshit.
 * 2) You shall not also succumb to a boy's lies.
 * 3) You are what you have.
 * 4) You shall never name your kid a symbol.
 * 5) You shall name your child after your favorite porn star. Just don't tell anyone.

53c710n 7: The Internet
 * 1) Thou shall have the internet
 * 2) There are almost no girls on the internet
 * 3) If there are, they’re usually horny.
 * 4) If you are a girl, it’s always tits or get the fuck out.
 * 5) If tits are shown, then thou must make the internet sandwiches.
 * 6) Don’t feed the trolls.
 * 7) Thou shall not argue with the trolls, if you do, thy trolls just won.
 * 8) The harder you try, the harder you will fail.
 * 9) The more you hate a meme, the stronger it will get.
 * 10) You always need pictures to prove everything.
 * 11) If it exists, there’s porn of it.
 * 12) If it doesn’t exist, there will be.
 * 13) If it’s not already fucked up, there will be more fucked up shit.
 * 1) Thou shall not argue with the trolls, if you do, thy trolls just won.
 * 2) The harder you try, the harder you will fail.
 * 3) The more you hate a meme, the stronger it will get.
 * 4) You always need pictures to prove everything.
 * 5) If it exists, there’s porn of it.
 * 6) If it doesn’t exist, there will be.
 * 7) If it’s not already fucked up, there will be more fucked up shit.
 * 1) You always need pictures to prove everything.
 * 2) If it exists, there’s porn of it.
 * 3) If it doesn’t exist, there will be.
 * 4) If it’s not already fucked up, there will be more fucked up shit.
 * 1) You always need pictures to prove everything.
 * 2) If it exists, there’s porn of it.
 * 3) If it doesn’t exist, there will be.
 * 4) If it’s not already fucked up, there will be more fucked up shit.
 * 1) You always need pictures to prove everything.
 * 2) If it exists, there’s porn of it.
 * 3) If it doesn’t exist, there will be.
 * 4) If it’s not already fucked up, there will be more fucked up shit.
 * 1) If it exists, there’s porn of it.
 * 2) If it doesn’t exist, there will be.
 * 3) If it’s not already fucked up, there will be more fucked up shit.
 * 1) If it’s not already fucked up, there will be more fucked up shit.