User:Shard/English

Hello. You have been directed here because your English is atrocious. I am not trying to insult you, I want to help you. If you continue posting as usual, nobody will listen to you, mostly because they don't know what the hell you're saying. By the time you get to the end of this page, you will know how to construct ideas in a universally understandable manner, and you will not use "there" to describe ownership. Here we go!

Lesson 1: Homophones
I put this at the top of the page because it is probably the most commonly made mistake on the internet. Words which sound identical, but are spelled differently. Here are the most common ones and their proper usage:
 * There - describes a location. "He went over there."
 * Their - plural ownership. "Their dog has fleas."
 * They're - contraction of "they are." "They're very friendly."
 * Your - Second person possessive. "Your dog has fleas."
 * You're - contraction of "you are." "You're looking fine today."
 * Lose - The opposite of Win. "You are going to lose this match."
 * Loose - The opposite of Tight. "Your dog is loose on the street."

It is important to know the difference between these, because if you say something like "you are dog is cute," you look and sound like an idiot. My favorite mistake is when someone says "Your dumb." This is my favorite thing to hear, mostly because I like irony.

Lesson 2: Sentences vs Sentence Fragments
A sentence is a collection of words that express a single complete thought or action. A non-command sentence, in English, always has a subject and a predicate. These are just long words for a "thing" and a "doing." Examples of sentences include:
 * "I went to the store."
 * "That car is fast."
 * "Vili thinks I am in IRC right now."

In addition, you never begin a sentence with a preposition unless you add what it modifies at the end of a sentence. For example: An easy way to tell if you're violating this rule is by doing the following test: Switch the order of the sentences and see if it makes sense. For example, the above sentence has an identical meaning to the following one:
 * "Because there is a lot of pollution" is not a sentence.
 * "Because there is a lot of pollution, it is hard to see the sky at night." is perfectly fine.
 * "It is hard to see the sky at night because there is a lot of pollution."

Other rules:
 * Type your sentences as you would normally speak them, and when you come to a break point, add a comma. These make it easier for the brain to parse what the sentence is saying.
 * If a sentence ends with quotes, put the period, question mark, or exclamation point inside the quote marks. I personally disagree with this because it's a stupid rule that makes no sense, but it's how you get A's when you get to high school.
 * When listing multiple things in a sentence, use one comma directly after each item you list (except for the last one), and remember to use "and" before the last item. Example:
 * I'm bringing chips, salsa, and coke to the party."
 *  ................... yes↑ ........ ↑yes ........ ↑no
 * For beginners like yourself, I suggest completely avoiding dashes ( - ) and semicolons.
 * And last, but not least, always end your sentences with a period (the dot under "L"), questions with a question mark (capital forward-slash), or exclamations with an exclamation point (capital 1).

Lesson 3: Paragraphs
Now that we've moved past sentences, let's move to something bigger: Paragraphs. A paragraph is a collection of sentences that contains one main idea and thus makes it easier for the reader to understand what you want to tell them. Take a look at these two pages. Both of them have identical text, but which would you rather read? Unless you're a computer program, you picked the first one.
 * Example 1
 * Example 2

As previously stated, paragraphs, when organized properly, can make it very easy for someone to extract the information given to them.

Each paragraph has to have three things in it. First, you want a brief opening to the next idea you want to express. Then, you express it. Then, you write something to bring closure to that idea and/or let your readers know you want to move to your next idea.

Lesson 4: Get Spell Check for your browser
Sometimes, spelling mistakes can change a word into another real word. This is just something you have to watch out for. Other than that, spelling mistakes just make you look like you're not trying. People don't want to put effort into something you didn't put effort into yourself. Most good browsers come with live spell check. It will underline your misspelled words for you as you type them, and will usually have some sort of right-click option to help you choose what you were trying to spell.

Conversion
To make a lasting impression on the importance of spelling and grammar, I have taken a frighteningly bad run-on sentence and transformed it into a cohesive section of text.

Before
''not in pve and as far as pvp goes if there so great how come there killed so easily dont say armor cause a warrior goes down easy through the armor, there weak and aws far as Interupts go the ranger is beter Broad head arrow, all there skills to interuppt, there nto a pve proffession and not really a pvp proffession, if i need somoen to run interupt on a mission i call in a ranger not a mesmer, granted some can play mesmers well but trust me they go down easy, also somthign ive observed over the past year, mesmers tend to act like they can take the role of ANY and every proffesion be it healer, tank, nuker, degen or interupt u name it half the people i know tht play mesmer as main act liek they can do it, trust me they cant. anyone who dosent play a mesmer knows there limitation most ppl who play mesmers dont seem to reckognize that there nto the king of all proffesions, and every proffesion can destroy them, granted they have a slight upperhand agaisnt the Elementalist but thats only thing i see a Mesmer as usefull for''

After
''Mesmers are not that good in pve. As far as pvp goes, if they're so great, why are they able to be killed so easily? Don't say it's because of their low armor, because warriors go down easily, even through armor. Mesmers are weak, and as far as interrupts go, rangers are better. When using broad head arrow, all of their attacks can interrupt any caster. Mesmers aren't a good pve profession, and not really a good pvp profession.''

''If I need someone to run interrupts in a mission, I call in a ranger, not a mesmer. Granted, some people can play a mesmer well, but trust me, they go down easily. In addition, something I've observed over the past year is that players who play mesmers tend to act like they can take the role of any and every profession, be it healer, tank, nuker, degen, or interrupter. Half of the people I know that play mesmer as their main character act like they can do it all, but trust me, they can't. Anyone who doesn't play a mesmer knows their limitations. Most people who play mesmers don't seem to recognize that they're not the king of all professions, and that any other profession can destroy them. They might have a slight upper-hand against an elementalist, but that's the only thing I see a Mesmer as being useful for.''

Could you feel the difference? The second one was so well-written that you almost forget how bad his reasoning is.

Graduation
Congratulations! You have read the basics of the English Language. Whether you're a 4-year-old who hasn't learned this yet, or an older person who used your desk in English class as a pillow, I hope you've gained knowledge that will help you for the rest of your life. Now, go out and share your ideas with a world that can now understand what the hell you're talking about!