User:SephronDarkchild/The Story Of Seph

Chapter 1 - Sephron of Tyria
Once upon a time there was some guy called Sephron Darkchild. He was a really neat guy. Everyone liked him because he was a really nice guy. He ventured out of his hometown of Ascalon and set out on an adventure for some stupid reason. On his adventure he met some jailbait called Gwen. Now everyone knows that to get Gwen to follow you to your van, don't offer her candy, instead give her a flute, she'll be all over you like kids to a GW forum the second a nerf for their class has been issued.

Anyway, where was I... Oh yeah, Sephron did some crap, killed some stuff and stole whatever dropped from their dead corpses. "Like wolves would need gold anyway, what would they buy?" stated Sephron Darkchild while the guards of Ascalon hurled him into the jail cell for killing a poor defenseless wolf. He later made bail and went on a killing spree. More on that story at 5.

After luring Gwen from just outfront of Ascalon and into some bushes near the creek, Sephron went back to Ascalon to celebrate lvling up, killing stuff and stealing their belongings and and to report into his parole officer, he joined a guild. Now I can't remember this guilds name because it was just some crap. Seriously, I think it had Rose in it or something. Oh well who cares. Stuff happened and some Charr got pissed off over Sephron killing the wolf, I mean, who would have guessed that wolf was well connected in the Charr Mafia. The Charr really stuffed shit up, like, stuffed shit up. They called the president of the USA and told them that there were terrorists hiding out in Ascalon. No sooner than the telephone had hung up, nukes were launched at Ascalon... And nothing of value was lost.

After the whole scorched earth policy, people started returning to the hole that they call 'Ascalon' a few years later. No one knows why and I'm sure no one cares either. Sephron made his way back also, not because he wanted to find out what happened to get revenge, but to laugh at the orphans if there were any. Was there any orphans? I have not been to Old Ascalon in ages, sif I'd go there just to see "WTS 7-13 RARE PURPLE HAMMER 100K+2750 ARMBRACES!!!!1"

Anywho... after laughing at the misfortunate cripples and whatnot and also getting like 1000 consec. wins in the Arena, Sephron wandered off in search of more people to abuse and make fun of. After killing things and finding things for people Sephron arrived at Yaks Bend. Finding this place boring he kept searching until he founded Lion's Arch. Yes, no matter what people tell you Sephron Darkchild founded Lion's Arch. He originally wanted to call it Seph's Arch but people thought it would be cooler if it was called Lion's Arch. Why they would name it Lion's Arch is beyond me, there's no such thing as lion's in Tyria... I think.

Yadda yadda yadda some sort of heroes story here blah blah blah a few guild hops here and there. Sephron killed The Lich all by himself. Well, there were other people in the party as well but they all came to watch Seph do his mighty thing, and to get stoned.

Chapter 2 - Big Seph In Little Cantha
After conquering the land of Tyria, Sephron decided to move to Cantha after hearing that hot asian chicks lived there. He flew first class on his own private jet which touched down in the city of Kaineng Center. When he stepped out his 1 billion plat. jet, he was greeted by some old friends that he never liked. The guys I'm talking about are the infamous Henchmen Mafia. An underworld gang led by Devona. Apparently they were here to make a drug deal with the Afflicted since they have some top notch cocaine. When the Afflicted Cartel arrived they started shooting at the Henchmen Mafia because the Affliced wern't nice guys and didn't deal right, they wanted the money all for themselves... greedy bastards.

After the gunfight was over, only the Afflicted Cartel boys were dead because they don't know how to use guns with their deformed fingers. Silly things. The Henchmen Mafia looted the cocaine and they, along with Seph, continued onto Kaineng. They later sold the cocaine for 100K + 500ecto.

Sephron went around Kaineng Center picking up the chicks, which in reply they gave Seph their digits. Upon learning about the emo 'Kurzicks' and the filthy hippy 'Luxons'. Seph set out to Kurzickastan to find himself a hawt young scene chick. As if he would want a dirty hippy. The jounery was long and boring. Most of his travels there aren't documented because lets face it, who can even remember what Cantha looks like let alone what the hell is goin on there.

At last Sephron reached the capital of Kurzickistan, House zu Heltzer, and was very disappointed in the fact that there were no hawt young asian scene chicks, only old whiney goths. "Fuck this!" stated Seph as he walked off never to return to Kurzickistan ever again. Until he was playing his crossdress counter part ele to get some nice armor. But let's not go there.

The next stop was the hippy capital of Luxonburg, Cavalon.

Arriving at Cavalon to see some giant ass turtles, Seph turned around and walked off. The morale of this story is, no one likes the Luxons.

After some more pointless quests and whatnot, Sephron was surprised that his old friend Shiro was in Cantha and that he was now the drug lord of the Afflicted Cartel and that he had a shitload of money. Seph didn't forget that Shiro owed him 200K for drug money from years earler, 200K + another 300K interest comes up to 500K. Fancying some new faggy spike covered 'elite' armor Seph went to go visit Shiro about his debt.

It was just like the movie Scarface, except without guns and the huge mountain of cocaine. Sephron rocked up to Shiro's mansion with some 'business mates' to shoot shit up unless Shiro came up with the 500K. Shiro didn't have a gold coin on him because he most likely blew it all on hookers and blow. So just like in Scarface, Seph came from behind Shiro and blew him full of lead from his shotgun. I mean, full of whatever it is that comes out of staffs.

Cue celebrations and some other crap. No one likes Cantha and this is why this chapter is so crappy. It wasn't deserving of a good story.

Chapter 3 - Seph and the Derv's in tha Hood
After Sephron's courageous victory over the drug lord Shiro, there was celebrations in his honour. Hookers now work for half price to celebrate the new holiday known as 'Sephron's Courageous Victory Over The Drug Lord Shiro Day' or 'Easter' as some people call it. Why people would hand out chocolate eggs on Sephron's Courageous Victory Over The Drug Lord Shiro Day is beyond me but the kids love it so next year we'll crush their hopes of a delicious chocolate eating morning by giving them lumps of coal instead. Oh wait they do that for Christmas... Well I guess we will just give the kids nothing for Sephron's Courageous Victory Over The Drug Lord Shiro Day. It's good enough to ruin thoes little snot nosed punks days.

Anyway, now making a name for himself in Cantha, Seph knew it was time to travel some more in search of more people to troll. But what what was he going to do? Sail from China Town to the Ghetto of course! A million years passed sailing trying to find this stupid new land called Elona. Even though it would most likely be easier climbing a few mountains from The Crystal Desert to Elona since it is connected to Tyria.

The boat stopped at the port of Kamadan, Seph got off the boat and now found himself in the projects. There were gangstas and g-bangers everywhere, Seph knew that they were packing serious heat and kept a hand on his Mac10 just incase one of these fool's wanted to try a 187.

After making peace with the brothers in the hood, Seph decided to move out of the projects setting sail to Kourna. Why the hell he'd keep travelling in the hood is anyboy's guess though I think he was rollin with the Sunspears reppin their hood, Istan. Seph kicked it with the Sunspears for awhile and met a holla back girl Varesh Ossa. But Varesh wont holla for a brother who aint got no bread so Seph was outta luck.

Some more kickin it with the Sunspears ensured. Later on Seph met up with another bunch of gangbangers by the handle of Lightbringers. They foxed up and became one huge gang by the name of 'Sephron and the Sunbringers Experience'. They played Jazz. Now rollin with an army, they got revenge on Varesh for turning a brother down by shooting her in a driveby out front of her house. 3 Sunspears are serving time for the shootings.

To celebrate the murder of Varesh, Sephron and the Sunbringers Experience did some acid. Shit must have been bad because they reported seeing places where tentacles were all over the joint like it was a japanese hentai movie. The hills were moving and the ground looked like it was a living organ. Seph wandered off on his LSD trip and met up with Kirenne Starfire and Kheraz Zarahi who said they were repped a gang called Stewards of the Ancient Rites. Seph joined up in their ranks and choped them out some acid too. A few minutes later they went for a cruise. On the cruise they met a brother with some gnarly dreds by the nickname of Abbadon. Seph, Kirenne and Kheraz, trippin out seein all sorts of mad shit killed Abbadon in a haze of LSD confusion, mistaking him for the God of Secrets.

No one ever talked about that day ever again.

Chapter 4 - Seph and The Brown Eye of the North
Writing in progress, go away. Who am I kidding I'll never finish this chapter, go away already, I never even started on this part.

'''TO BE CONT. WHEN I CAN BE BOTHERED MAKING STUFF UP.'''