User:Zachariah Zuan/Kage Shinoki

Back Story
Dubbed the village pimp, Kage spent the majority of his life isolated in a large bachelor pad overlooking Mount Sex. He would often perform bizzare and usually erotic moves in his solitude. Noushi was also the protagonist of a local story told to arouse young women.

Considered too sexy for words, nobody from the nearby villages dared approached his place of dwelling. Kage would also spend his time researching forgotten porns and Canthan erotic novels. One day, he discovered that his family was once in line to the throne of Elona, but were exiled from the royal family due to sexual disturbances regarding a skale. Nobody would believe sexy young Kage, so he squandered his days trying to find a way to view the future, to see if he or his many many unknown children would ever realise he's their daddy. Studying old spell books, Kage chanced across an ancient pornographic image that would allow him to do just that. However, he required human genitals to take part in a particularly dangerous attempt to screw someone to the past.

Luckily, one day, a sexy, scantically clad female traveller seeking poontang came across Kage's house. He immediately took her into the house for some hot steamy luvvin'. But something was wrong. He didn't want to put his pork sword into her velvet tardis. Something was preventing him from performing his trademark move "The Twin Blades of Torment". Impotence. Kage had never experienced this before, and made it his duty to cherish his new found love interest. It appeared she, too, had a penis. Kage rigorously explained that his man bits aren't functioning properly. Kage was completely oblivious to the fact that the traveller was in fact, naked. He prattled on for hours about how their grandchildren will rule Elona, having no idea his new love was wearing nothing. Out of pity, and possibly horniness, the traveller accepted Kage's rather small and withered genitals, and they lived together on the mountain side as the gorgeous sex pirate and his permanently naked wife.

Kage now
He's hot.

Battle Quotes
''Gee, you're cheap looking, it must hurt when you urinate. Well, it will now...'' Practical sex education study is far more entertaining, don't you think? The Phantom of Cantha is here, inside you! ''Stop touching yourself. Stop touching yourself.'' Ball freeze! I've seen Skale more sexually charged than you! ''Blahh! I've come to suck your WORD MISSING! SLUUURRRP'' I've come to the conclusion that my bedroom is infact a simulation, a game as such. ''Lord Kage, no wait, King Kage the Kourageous. Thats what women yell to me in bed.'' ''Is this a bad time to say I FORGOT MY UNDERPANTS? Wayhay... ;D'' ''WWRRYYYYYYYYY! That's the sound you'll make when I screw your brain!'' ''I'm erect! *utters gibberish*'' ''*murmurs* Hmm.. Hmm? Oh yes, nudity!'' Where all the hunnies at? ''How much wood have I got right now? 5 INCHES OF IT''