Rollerbeetle Racing Commissioner

The Rollerbeetle Racing Commissioner takes a rather egotistical approach to the sport of Rollerbeetle Racing.

Locations

 * Battle Isles

Dialogue

 * "Rollerbeetle racing is the most important sport in all of Cantha. And I, the commissioner of the sport, am the most important man in the most important sport in all of Cantha!"

Tell me about rollerbeetle racing.
 * "You will be assigned control over one rollerbeetle for the race. You and your rivals guide your beetles through the race track, using the beetles' abilities against one another. Rolling through a bonus power box gives you one random super rollerbeetle racing power, but you may only use it one time, so make sure not to waste it. Checkpoints placed across the track funnel you along. The first rollerbeetle to reach the finish line is the winner. Good luck, kid!"

Quotes

 * "The greasing of rollerbeetles is strictly forbidden!"
 * "If you feed a rollerbeetle enough rice bean cakes, it explodes."
 * "No fair casting Air Magic to speed them along!"
 * "Children should not poke the beetles with sticks. Only *I* am allowed to poke beetles with sticks"
 * "Dwayna created the first beetle races... so an expert trainer is like unto a god!"
 * "I know a man who raised his rollerbeetle on rice wine and noodles."
 * "No one knows which food makes a beetle roll fastest. Except me. And I'm not telling."
 * "I once saw a rollerbeetle that was as big as a cow! Or was it a cow rolling like a beetle?"
 * "Hey, kid! Don't tease the beetles!"
 * "I heard that in Ascalon, they race moa birds. Barbarians."
 * "Ah, Stinky Rollerpin! I miss you so. What a champion!"
 * "That trainer whispers in his beetle's ear before each race. He always loses."
 * "Go get me some wine, kid!"
 * "Without tradition, beetle racing is nothing."
 * "Some trainers give red envelopes to their beetles each new year."
 * "Some trainers pamper their beetles like children."
 * "Yes, there was a trainer who married his beetle... but let us not talk about that."
 * "My wife and I used to argue about beetle racing. I wonder where she is now?"
 * "When I was a child, I used to roll around my parents's house." [sic]
 * "When I was a child, my sister tried to sell me to a beetle trainer."
 * "As a young boy, I was faster than any other child in my village... but only racing downhill."
 * "That reminds me of something that happened before you were born."
 * "Yes, that story might even be true. Or maybe it wasn't. What were we talking about?"
 * "Old Rolly Polly is too old to race with the other beetles, but he still likes to watch."
 * "Beans make them roll faster, but only for short distances."
 * "Back in my day, beetles were faster, young women were slower, and wine tasted better."
 * "I haven't missed a race in forty years... except the day my son was born. I miss him sometimes."

During Canthan New Year 2007:
 * "You know nothing of this sport!"
 * "Yes that was the custom at the time. People knew how to race back then!"
 * "That reminds me of the time that... oh wait, that was a dream I had."
 * "I think that one's dead. Wait! it's not finished yet!"
 * "You don't want to know how they breed. I wish I didn't."
 * "This wine tastes like beetle... Oh my gods! Thats not wine!"
 * "Roll! Roll! Roll!"
 * "I remember the name of every beetle who ever raced here. Now, who were you again?"
 * "I am "the Commissioner" the worlds most knowledgeable expert on the world's greatest sport... rollerbeetle racing!"
 * "Trainers, Roller beetles, lets get ready to ROLL!"

During Gamer Weekend and Canthan New Year 2008:
 * "I suspect that one of the beetles may have been coated with some kind of viscous substance...."
 * "Every attempt to cheat is an insult to generations of honorable and venerable beetles. Don't worry. I simply won't allow it."
 * "Sometimes a change in elevation can be more troublesome than the radius of a turn."
 * "Hey! Get those cows off the track!"
 * "Over the years, the contents of those magical boxes have changed."
 * "I'm incredibly excited about the outcome of the next race. I am also cold and hungry, but I don't care."
 * "Someday, other kingdoms and nations will recognize this as the greatest sport of all time."
 * "Dispatch a messenger! I have friends in Raisu Palace who are waiting for today's race results!"
 * "Every day, we make lists of the day's greatest racers. And every day, that list becomes part of a glorious history."
 * "A message to cheaters: Anyone caught greasing their beetles will be immediately disqualified. And flogged!"