User:Wendy Black/joke01

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An Asuran, a Human and a Dwarf walk into a bar and order 3 Ales.

Suddenly 3 flies fly in and land in their tankards.

The Asuran goes "most intriguing" and studies the fly.

The Human simply picks the fly out of his drink and tosses it.

The Dwarf also grabs the fly and suddenly starts shouting.

"SPIT IT OUT YE BASTAGE, SPIT IT OUT"!

An Asuran enters a bar and orders aged hunters ale.

The barkeep decides the Asuran won't know the difference and hands him a hunters ale.

The Asuran spits it out, "Sir I know the age and this is not AGED hunters ale.

The barkeep gives him a free aged hunters ale.

Impressed by the Asuran's ability, a drunken dwarf staggers over. He slaps a tankard on the bar.

Can you guess this one? the dwarf asks.

The Asuran spits it out. That sir tasted like warm pee!

The dwarf replied, Yes, but how old am I?

On the road to Ashford I saw a woman fall out of a farmer's wagon.

After checking on the woman and setting her under a tree, I ran to catch the farmer.

When I caught up I asked him,

"Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the wagon some distance back?"

To which the farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

Farmer Dirk and his wife are having their 10th wedding anniversary.

She suggested to him that they should have a party and kill a pig.

Farmer Dirk answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 10 years ago."

Why should farmer Dirk call his pigs "Ink"?

Because they keep running out of the pen.

Did you hear Duke Gaban's coach got stuck in a mud hole the other day?

Shortly after Farmer Hamnet stopped by and pulled him out with a yak for 50 gold.

He told the Duke that he had to be the 10th person he pulled out of that mud hole today.

The Duke said, "If you are that busy you must plow your field at night."

"No.", said Hamnet, "At night I fill this hole with water."

Hey did everyone hear what happenned at the Abbey?

Dhuum appeared up from the ground and people all started running and screaming.

They all evacuated the Abbey except for me.

Dhuum looked a bit puzzled asking me why I wasn't frighten of him.

I told him, "Why should I? I've been married to your sister for 10 years."

Benton and Bruse went hunting. Benton says, "Did you see that?"

"No," Bruse says.

"Well, a black moa just ran over there," Benton says.

"Oh," says Bruse.

A couple of minutes later, Benton says, "Did you see that?"

"See what?" Bruse asks.

"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."

"Oh." mumbled Bruse.

A few minutes later Benton says, "Did you see that?"

By now, Bruse is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"

And Benton says, "Then why did you step in it?"

I went bear hunting with Benton. While he stayed in the cabin, I went out looking for a bear.

I soon found a huge bear, hit it with flare but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward me, I started running for the cabin as fast as I could.

I ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster. It was gaining ground with every step.

Just as I reached the open cabin door, I tripped and fell flat.

Much too close behind me to stop, the bear tripped over me and went rolling into the cabin.

Benton jumped up. I closed the cabin door and yelled to Benton inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

I was fishing off the River bank when a traveler asked me "Are there any River Skales around here?!"

I told him, "No!, they haven't been around for years!"

The traveler started swimming leisurely just off the shore.

About the middle of the river he asked me,"How'd you get rid of the skales?"

I casted my line and replied, "Oh, We didn't do a thing, the hydra ate them!"

I was up in Wizard's Folly ice fishing, when this boy near me was out fishing me ten to one.

I asked him his secret and he said, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."

I shook my head, "Sorry I don't understand your language."

Again he replied, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

I shrugged, "I can't understand a word you are saying."

So, the boy spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

I trained a Grawl to plant flowers and put them in clay pots, I call him Hairy Potter.

A Raging Cadaver walks into a bar - orders a hunters ale and a mop.

Did you hear of the tale of Sir Magnus the Brave?

To win the heart of the Lady Engelram he loved so dear, he ventured out.

He fought and killed many minotaurs, charr, and undead.

He survived the Shiverpeak Mountains and Sorrow's Furnace.

He alone killed Grognard Gravelhead.

Then upon his return all Tyria threw him a hero's parade.

Just to find out, she had married another.

Because he was never at home.

After a long battle with the White Mantle, two warriors stood victorious.

The first said, "That high priest must have been using healing breeze."

The second warrior asked, "Why do you say that?"

The first answered, "Because I thought that knight would never end!"

A monk, a warrior and a mesmer have just killed some bandits.

They are looking over the treasure when they notice a valuable silver ring.

It is beautiful engraved with entwined serpents and studded with many gems.

The monk suddenly says, "Hey! this ring is both valuable and distinctive. I bet we can return it to its rightful owner!"

And so the warrior and mesmer killed the doppleganger.

I was at Farmer Hamnet's playing cards. I spend a lot of time there these days.

I got a full house and four players at the table DIED!

Farmer Hamnet shouted, "STOP PLAYING!"

I looked puzzled and said, "Why?"

He grabbed the deck and said, "We are playing with the wrong deck, these are TAROT cards!"

Last night at Farmer Hamnet's we were playing cards, Conrad lost 500 gold on a single hand.

He had a heart attack, and died. We asked ourselves, "So who is going to tell his wife?"

We drew cards, and I drew the low card.

I went to Conrad’s door and told his wife, “Conrad lost 500 gold gambling tonight.”

She was pretty mad and yelled, “You tell that peice of Charr dung to DROP DEAD!”

I walked away sheepishly and said, “I’ll tell him.”