| Gwen And Now - Chapter 3
Gwen wandered through the vast halls of the Eye of the North sometime later, having taken her leave of Nathel to debrief a late patrol that had come in. As Captain Langmar's second-in-command, Gwen shouldered a great deal of responsibility for the Ebon Vanguard's work. Originally she had only been left in charge because Langmar hadn't trusted her in battle against the Charr—she had feared that Gwen would be too reckless and take too many chances in her need to kill as many of the hulking, horned things as possible.
At the time, she had resented Langmar's decision, but lately she had come to understand it better, and herself as well. Langmar had been right to hold her back, for her hatred of the Charr had been so great at the time that it had blinded her to virtually everything else. Gwen still hated many of them, but had learned to temper it and focus it on those who had truly been responsible and not just those who happened to be of the same race. It had been a painful lesson, but one that in retrospect Gwen was glad she had learned.
Her footsteps took her back outside the citadel and down to the vast frozen lake near which it stood. Gwen approached the shore and gazed out at the snow-covered slopes that rose up all along the water's edge. Was Nathel still out there somewhere? What was he waiting for? Gwen's thoughts lingered on him as she took out an old, faded tapestry shred and held it in her hand. A gift, first from her to him, and then from him to her. A symbol of their friendship.
Friends. That was what they were. That was what they had always been. But was that all she wanted them to be? Gwen didn't know. Ever since Nathel had come back into her life, bringing with him a part of herself she had thought long gone, old feelings had begun to stir within her, tender memories long buried beneath the years of pain and torment. A bit at a time, Gwen had begun to find herself again, to remember who she had been.
Despite the risks, Nathel had taken her to the underworld to see her mother one last time, to say the goodbye she had never been able to say before. And in that dark place, Gwen had finally begun to heal. She would never forget her years as a prisoner of the Charr, but neither would she be driven by them. That part of her life was over. It was time for her to move on, to do as her mother had said and live the life she wanted. And she found that she didn't want to do it alone.
••••••••••
“Gwen, over here,” Nathel called.
She smiled and skipped over to where he stood. They were in a little camp of sorts, a place with bright colored tents and big wagons full of interesting things Gwen had never heard of and which often came from far off lands—if you believed the merchants, that was. Nathel had told her the place was called Foible's Fair, and it certainly looked a little like a fair to her, nestled here in Wizard's Folly.
They had come here after leaving Ashford and hunting down one of those big black bears that had been attacking travelers in the vale recently. The bear had been so big and scary that Gwen had wondered how Nathel could possibly beat it. But he had, though the bear had been so full of arrows by the time it was over that it had looked like one of Mommy's pincushions. Gwen had picked a few more red iris flowers while Nathel had used his old hunting knife to get a bit of the bear's hide for Miss Alison.
The hide was rolled up in his pack now, and Gwen was glad for that. She thought it smelled icky. But Miss Alison could make a nice cloak out of it. Gwen had one herself for cold and rainy days, but today was so bright and sunny she had left it at home.
“What'd you get, Nathel?” she asked.
He smiled. “Try it on and see.”
Gwen's mouth fell open as she saw what he was holding. A cape! A big red cape, just like she wanted! She had mentioned during the bear hunt how much she liked Miss Sandra's cape, but she hadn't expected Nathel to actually get her one. They were pretty expensive, and she had been saving her allowance to buy one herself eventually. Now, though, she wouldn't have to.
“Oh, Nathel, you didn't have to do that!” Gwen said. “Thank you!”
She turned around and let him slip it over her shoulders while she held her flute and flowers. It was so pretty! Gwen twirled around, giggling all the while, but then she stopped, feeling overwhelmed and oddly shy. She found herself unable to look up at him as her cheeks turned pink.
“What's wrong?” Nathel asked.
“Well, um, why are you being so nice to me?”
He knelt so he was at eye level with her. “You remind me of my sister, I guess. She was a lot like you, Gwen. And I think that making you happy makes her happy too, wherever she is.”
Gwen threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. She understood now. And now she wanted to do something for him for once, something to make him happy as he'd done for her. But what? How could she help him? How could she make him smile like she had? Gwen let go, the answer suddenly clear in her mind, and spun around again in her new cape.
“What is it, Gwen?” Nathel asked, standing up again.
“I've got something for you! My favorite thing in the whole wide world! It's my secret treasure, but I want you to have it, Nathel. Here!”
She reached into her pocket and pulled out an old scrap of cloth. It was a little faded, but the colors were still clearly visible. It looked like it had been part of something larger, maybe even something fancy like a tapestry. Gwen didn't know, but it was neat nonetheless. So mysterious! And there was a bit of a picture on it, although she couldn't make out what it was.
Nathel took it. “Looks like a tapestry shred. Where'd you find this?”
“Back behind the shrine when I planted my flowers,” Gwen answered. “It was kinda buried, but maybe somebody just dropped it and it got covered up later.”
“You sure you want me to have this?”
Gwen nodded. “Yeah! Maybe you can even find out what it goes to! It's a mystery!”
“Thank you, Gwen,” Nathel smiled. “I'll keep it safe.”
••••••••••
Nathel walked through the woods, no closer to a decision than he had been when he'd spoken with Gwen. Whisper padded along beside him, one of the few stalkers to ever venture this far north. They had traveled to distant lands together, from the far reaches of Tyria and the island of Cantha to the vast deserts of Elona, and had fought alongside each other in countless battles against often overwhelming odds. The big cat had become as much a friend and ally to him over the years as any human had ever been.
His boots making almost no sound as he walked through the snow—few people were as silent and invisible as a ranger in the wilderness—Nathel's thoughts returned once more to Gwen. More than anything, he wanted to be here, to be with her. And yet he couldn't. It was too painful, to hard to face. And she had to know, didn't she? How could she not? He had saved her so many times that day in Ascalon, from bandits and bears, skale and devourers, but he had been unable to do so when it mattered most. And she had suffered so much because of it.
Soon the trees parted a little, and Nathel stepped into a clearing, where another man—bearded and with a touch of gray in his dark hair— was warming himself by a small fire. A fellow ranger, Aidan. He looked up as Nathel approached. “Greetings, old friend. What's on your mind?”
“Just getting some fresh air,” he answered. “Why do you ask?”
“You've been very quiet lately. More than usual, that is. Would you like to talk about it?”
At first, Nathel didn't. It was his problem, after all. But he'd known Aidan a long time—the older man had taught him much over the years about being both a ranger and a man. He was his friend and mentor and if anyone could help him now, it was him. Perhaps that was why he had come in this way, even if he hadn't known it until now. Like him, Aidan spent as much time outdoors as he could, being more comfortable outside the fortress' walls than within them.
Nathel folded his arms in front of him and gazed into the fire. “I'm thinking about leaving soon. And I don't think I mean to come back.”
“Why?” Aidan asked.
“It's about Gwen. Everything she's been through, it... it's my fault.”
Aidan shook his head. “It was the Charr who hurt her, not you, Nathel. Don't take the blame for what they did. You had no way of knowing she was their captive.”
“I saved her so many times before,” Nathel sighed. “But this time, I couldn't.”
“I doubt she blames you for it.”
Nathel nodded. “I know. But I do. And when I'm with her, I can't help but think of it. Even though all I want is to be with her. Does that make any sense?”
“I think it does,” Aidan said. “You care for her very much, don't you?”
“More than anything.”
Aidan looked at him thoughtfully. “Do you love her?”
Did he? Was that what this was really all about? Was he so afraid to admit it, even to himself? Nathel had never even voiced that thought before, always couching it behind other words in his mind when he even dared to think of it. And yet, he couldn't deny it, not anymore. He couldn't deny how much she meant to him, how she made him feel. But how could he justify feeling this way about someone he had hurt so deeply?
“Yes. Yes, I do, Aidan. But... how can I?”
“How can you not, if you feel that strongly about her?” Aidan countered.
Nathel sighed. “She's just a kid.”
“No, she's not, Nathel. She's a woman. A beautiful woman. And I think in your heart, you're finally beginning to realize that. And it scares you, doesn't it?”
“I don't want to hurt her again,” he said.
Aidan frowned. “What do you mean?”
“If I... if I get involved with her, and it doesn't work out, it would hurt her worse than anything the Charr ever did. I can't let that happen.”
“Every relationship involves a bit of risk, Nathel.”
He knew that, but it didn't make it any easier. “I know. But she's been through enough.”
Aidan seized his shoulder, his eyes intense. “If you leave, you'll just be running away again. Running away from your pain and your feelings like you've been doing all these years, hiding behind one battle after another and not fighting the only one that really matters, the one inside you. I've known you too long not to see it. And if you do go, you'll never know what you missed with Gwen, how happy you might have been with her. Is that really what you want?”
“What should I do, Aidan?”
“Go to her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her everything. She'll understand.”
Would she? Did she feel as he did? Nathel didn't know. But he wanted to. Suddenly he wanted to know very much. He loved her, and whether or not she felt the same way, he wanted to tell her how much she meant to him. And that he was sorry for what had happened to her, that he hadn't been there when she needed him. He had failed her once. How could he do it again? She deserved better. She deserved to know the truth.
Nathel hurried back to the tower, his heart pounding.
••••••••••
After leaving Wizard's Folly, Nathel returned with Gwen to Ashford, where he gave the bear hide to Alison before moving on. It would be a while before the cloak was ready, so this was as good a time as any to go get Pitney's egg. Nathel headed up the road from Ashford with Gwen until he found the spot he was looking for, just beyond the stand of trees they had passed under earlier. He led her off the road, clearing away with his bow any skale that wandered too close, and walked down the slope until he stood at the edge of the river.
“Are we going to the other side?” Gwen asked.
Nathel nodded. “Yeah. That's where the devourer cave is.”
The river wasn't all that wide, only about twenty yards or so across, and it didn't look all that deep. Nathel figured he could wade across it easily enough. But what about Gwen? He didn't want her to get all wet and maybe catch a cold. And he didn't like the idea of leaving her here to wait for him by herself where the skale might come back and find her. Closer to where he'd found her broken flute, she might have been able to cross—the water was much shallower there—but here it would go at least to her waist if she went in.
Gwen's thoughts echoed his own. “How am I gonna get over there with you?”
“I don't know, Gwen,” he said. “But—wait a minute, I just thought of something. You think you can climb on my back? If you do that, I can carry you across.”
“Yeah! That's it! A piggyback ride!”
Nathel crouched down, and after a moment he felt Gwen's arms sliding loosely over his shoulders as she got on, tucking her flute and flowers into her belt so she could hold onto him. After making sure the skale were all still far downstream, Nathel straightened up and walked into the river. The current was slow and the water warm from the day's heat—it was almost noon, and the sun burned brightly in the clear sky. Gwen wrapped her legs around his waist as he made his way across the river.
The water rose to about halfway up his thighs at its deepest point, and he could feel it beginning to seep through his boots and leggings. With an arrow ready in his bow just in case the skale came back this way, Nathel headed toward the far shore, where the ground rose up again in a line of low hills. He glanced over his shoulder at Gwen. “You doing okay up there?”
“Yeah, I'm fine,” she said. “Isn't this fun?”
“Sure is. Hang on, we're almost there.”
They reached the far shore moments later, where Nathel bent down and let Gwen climb off. She giggled and spun around. “Yay! We made it!”
Nathel led her around the nearest hill until they found a cave on its other side. A man in armor stood by the entrance along with his servant, and they looked up as Nathel and Gwen approached. The knight, Duke Gaban, asked him to guard his servant Fadden Hathorn while he gathered up some of the devourer eggs inside the cave. Gwen waved at Fadden, mentioning to Nathel how Mrs. Hathorn sometimes let her hold their baby. “He's so cute! I hope I have one someday, when I'm all grown up.”
“I'm sure you will,” Nathel smiled.
He went into the cave with her and Fadden, shooting the devourers as they came near. There were only a few chambers, with nests full of eggs, and Fadden got an armful of them while Nathel cleared out all the devourers he could find. Gwen followed a few steps behind until they were all gone, then she skipped past him to see a bit more of the cave where part of the floor curved around to an upper level. She had gone no more than a few steps when another devourer, this one bigger than the others, suddenly burst out of the ground in a spray of dirt and rock and whipped its tail at her.
“Nathel! Help!” she called.
He aimed his bow at the devourer. “Gwen! Run!”
She did so, scrambling out of the way just as the tail came down where she had been a moment before. Nathel loosed arrows into it one after another as stingers flew at him from another pair of devourers that had been lying in wait on the upper level. Fadden cradled his eggs in one hand and pulled Gwen out of the way with the other as Nathel fired at the monsters, hoping to distract them enough that they would lose interest in Gwen and Fadden and go after him instead.
At last the larger devourer collapsed, an arrow in its eye, and Nathel killed the other two without much difficulty. They were smaller than the first and went down quickly once he concentrated his shots on them. By the time it was over, all his arrows were spent and there were little stingers sticking out of him here and there from those last two devourers. The pain wasn't so bad, though, and the troll unguent helped ease it a bit as he pulled out the stingers and retrieved his arrows, but he knew he'd be sore for the rest of the day.
“Gwen?” he called. “Are you okay?”
She flew into his arms, trembling a little. “I'm alright, but those monsters almost ate me! I didn't know they could come up from the ground like that. It was so scary!”
“Nothing's going to hurt you, Gwen. Not while I'm around.”
“You promise?”
He nodded. “I promise. Whatever happens, I'll protect you. Always.”
“Thank you,” she said.
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