User:MrSmiles/MesmerAscalonian

I am the Very Model of a Mesmer Ascalonian

To the tune of "I am the very model of a modern Major-General", with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan.

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Mesmer:
I am the very model of a mesmer Ascalonian
I've magical illusions that inspire pandemonium
I served under King Adelbern and find that I still miss the days
When all I had to deal with was the Charr setting my home a-blaze

But while the brutes were focused on igniting Ashford's peasantry
The royal line were bickering and acting most unpleasantly
Soon the Prince rebelled and left and I went with him, out of pride
Before I found the reason why they called him Captain Suicide

Chorus:
Before he found the reason why they called him Captain Suicide
Before he found the reason why they called him Captain Suicide
Before he found the reason why they called him Captain Sui-suicide

Mesmer:
I fought them from the Breach and saved the Nolani academy
While studying the finer points of Charr-ish gross anatomy
In short, in matters anthromorphic feline-taurus-onian
I am the very model of a mesmer Ascalonian

Chorus:
In short, in matters anthromorphic feline-taurus-onian
He is the very model of a mesmer Ascalonian

Mesmer:
In Lion's Arch I joined the Mantle, then became their enemy
I met some rebels set on ending all the Mantle's blasphemy
We stole a giant scepter full of powers we can't comprehend
Then for an encore I traversed the Crystal Desert to Ascend.

And after that I traveled to the frozen Southern Shiverpeaks
I rescued all my friends who'd been stuck in an icy cave for weeks
We toppled the Mursaat and then we journeyed to the Ring of Fire
I promptly got volcanic ash upon my 15k attire

Chorus:
He promptly got volcanic ash upon his 15k attire
He promptly got volcanic ash upon his 15k attire
He promptly got volcanic ash upon his 15k atti-attire

Mesmer:
I have to say I wasn't shocked by the Vizier's duplicity
Nor overly concerned with his newfound undead ethnicity
In short, despite things Lich-y or demonic and chthonian
I am the very model of a mesmer Ascalonian.

Chorus:
In short, despite things Lich-y or demonic and chthonian
He is the very model of a mesmer Ascalonian.

Mesmer:
Of course we had to put him down, for he'd been pulling all the strings
We killed him on the Bloodstone and we hunted down his Titan things
Then Mhenlo got a memo from his old master most eminent
Our help was urgently requested on the southern continent.

I wrangled giant turtles and I journeyed through the stony trees
We killed a Envoy maverick who spread a horrible disease
Then a Sunspear asked me to lend strength to his society
But telling that whole story will cast doubts on my sobriety

Chorus:
But telling that whole story will cast doubts on his sobriety
But telling that whole story will cast doubts on his sobriety
But telling that whole story will cast doubts on his sobri-sobriety

Mesmer:
Now I'm counted among mortals who once perpetrated Dei-cide
I hear that my great-grandkids will test their swords out on Dragon hide
But as I face the future, be it human or draconian
I'm still the very model of a mesmer Ascalonian

Chorus:
But as we face the future, be it human or draconian
He's still the very model of a mesmer Ascalonian

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The lines all fit the music perfectly. Pronounce "maverick" with 3 syllables and "dei-cide" as "dee-ih-cide". Yes, I know a couple of those are only half-rhymes. Don't like it? Write a better one :)

Verses I wrote but couldn't use:

We made it through the Shiverpeaks with ample help from dwarven ale
That's when we found out when he drinks the Prince sings like a nightengale

In Lion's arch I found myself sucked into local politics
To my surprise the Mantle were all homicidal lunatics

The Mantle let me join their ranks for what I thought was bargain price
Of course that was before I found they're into human sacrifice

I fled into the jungle, they were irked by my ingratitude
I ran into some rebels with a disrespectful attitude