User talk:Ruine Eternelle/Lame

A few comments

It seems like {{quotation}} forces all text to be italicized, which is a pain. I had tried to make thoughts appear inversed to the regular text, but that didn't happen (thoughts in italicized text should become regular text).

Also, the continual reference to the "female necromancer" is a bit jarring. Is the reader supposed to repeatedly note that the necromancer is female? Is that the thoughts of the warrior being presented? If you were wanting to contrast the knowledge of the necromancer's gender to the presumption that the warrior may be male, you don't need to stress "female". You did a great job of describing her at the beginning, which allows the reader to continue the narrative with that image in their head. I'd recommend dropping the "female", but that's my opinion. G R E E N E R 20:15, 19 June 2015 (UTC)

I like the way quotation displays the text (indent and big punctuation. But yeah, italic is a bit unreadable.

What I wanted to do was to keep the gender of the warrior unknown until the very end. I see what you mean about repeating "female necromancer". As you have surely realized, english is not my mothertongue : even with french having a lot of words with a close meaning, even after all these years I spent playing the game with everybody, reading translated mangas and animes and all... some things still are not natural for me. It pains me not to be able to find the words.--Ruine Eternelle 10:05, 20 June 2015 (UTC)

For the same quotation aesthetic, sans forced italics, replace the template with

<blockquote style="padding: 0em 2em 0em 1em; margin: 1em 0em 1em 4em; border-left: 1px solid #DDD;">
<div style="position: absolute; margin-top: -0.2em; margin-left: -0.8em; font: bold 5em Times New Roman, Times, Georgie, serif; color: #EEE;">
<div style="position: absolute; margin-left: -0.2em;">“
</div>
</div>
-Your story-

This allows you full control. - Infinite - talk 13:13, 20 June 2015 (UTC)

Thanks a lot, wiki formatting master :o (/bow) --Ruine Eternelle 13:26, 20 June 2015 (UTC)

Haha, no problem. ^^ - Infinite - talk 13:51, 20 June 2015 (UTC)

So, how do you think I could better describe the female Necromancer (to avoid repeating) ? in worst case I could reveal her name after all, but that's not truly needed.--Ruine Eternelle 13:30, 20 June 2015 (UTC)

After describing the necromancer for the first time, it should be obvious what her gender is (contrary to popular belief, you do not need to remark on her chest for this to be clear). You can achieve this by using feminine words in the description (elegant posture, silky hair, or as you already have done "skin white as moonlight"). Some authors use this technique to trick the reader into assuming a gender successfully (an effeminate man can be described similarly, after all). From there on out you can simply refer to her as necromancer, or the woman, or something along those lines.

A base rule of writing is to avoid repetition: if you've used a word or a phrase, it tends to be ill practise to use it again, shortly thereafter.

Example: (...)The [female] necromancer smiled again: (...) She laughed suddenly and then asked: (...)

They say perfection isn't attained when nothing is left to add, but rather when there's nothing left to take away. - Infinite - talk 13:51, 20 June 2015 (UTC)

I don't speak a native english, that's why I'm asking. I probably could find an appropriate word if it was french^^. Well, the least I can do is switch between "necromancer" and "woman". That tip always works--Ruine Eternelle 15:07, 20 June 2015 (UTC)