User:Destructos Maximus/my lore
Maximus,Jimmy, and Millie were three friends living in the rough area of Kaineng, they were all part of the Jade Brotherhood, seeing it as their best chance of survival what with daily gang wars, random murders etc.
Max,Age:23, a male warrior who is the general leader of the group. With his razor sharp wit and charasmatic presence he is respected amongst many ,even feared by some of the gangs. He is also a master with the axe.
Jimmy,age:19, A male assassin who is always ready for a fight. His overly zealous optimism is seen as an annoyance,especially to Millie but he really comes into his own on the battlefeild. His self tought, homespun style of dagger mastery isn't flashy but it gets the job done and twice as fast.
Millie,Age:20, A female ranger who is always the first to point out if something is going wrong. She may be a pessimist with a negative outlook on most things but she is invaluable in a battle situation. She is easily angered(mostly by Jimmy) but respects Max enough to put up with him.
These three people were possably the most feared trio of people in Kaineng. Sepearate they were deadly but together they were lethal. This conjured terror amongst the gang leaders, even of their own gang, who eventually conspired to send an assassination squad. Making quick work of these rookiesn they realised that the streets were no longer safe for them and had to flee by boat.
This is where the story begins
 Chapter One,Journey To Elona
"Are we there yet?" whined Jimmy who was longing to shank something
"Does it LOOK like were there Jimmy?" Sighed an increasingly agitated Millie
"Stop your arguing for the love of Balthazar! Jimmy theres still two days to go, then you can go rip,stab,shank or whatever to your hearts content"
"Whatever, i dont see why we couldn't go to Lions Arch anyway, i mean i heard that Elona was just full of sand"
"We are going to Elona,Jimmy, because if you had listened to Max you would have learnt that there is an evil group of people called the kournans who are trying to bring back an exiled god thus bringing about an apocalypse spanning the entire world and dooming us all!"
"And besides, Kryta is swarming with undead, remember YOUR last experiance with the undead?"
"Haha" interupted Max "You mean the time where he maxed his death magic,stole all of out necro's corpses and shadow stepped into that huge group of Ah Fah?"
"Yeah well at least I'm not a ranger who picks up a wand and thinks she should start monking because extra elemental armor is SO important"
"Hey F**k you Jimmy i thought we chose to end that!"
"Hey guys look its Nandu Bay!"
"Erm, i thought you said it would be three days"
"Time must go fast when your bitching about people huh?" Sniggered Jimmy
"Hey i guess i was wrong, but at least i got the time zone right"
"Yeah well done Max, you master navigater you!" Grinned Millie
 Chapter Two, A Warm Welcome
The three friends landed in the dock happy to be back on the ground
"So Maxi, who are these Kournans then? When you see one point him out to me and ill go"
Maxi hit Jimmy.Hard
"they're the goddamn rulers of this entire region dumbass!" Whispered Max
"Oh so that must be why they call this place Kourna, huh? Dont worry Jimmy i was just as confused as you" Millie said in a patronising tone.
"Oh, so where do we go now? We can't take on a whole government!"
"I was told to go to a village in the northeast of Marga coast."
"You were told? By who? Hey, how do you knnow about any of whats going on here anyway?" Asked Millie Suspicously
Then a slimy hand reached onto Jimmy's back.
"I heard you conspiring against the Kournans, thats very serious offence you know!" Said this very sneaky and unsavoury looking character "I guess if you were to give me a small pittance of say perhaps,15 platunum, i might keep it as our little secret"
"let me handle this one guys, trust me on this one" Said Jimmy, confident "How about you let us go, and we pay the small pittance of you keeping your vital organs, how does that sound?"
"Oh no! Please dont hurt me! Screamed the man running away "I wont tell them you conspiring against Kourna! Honest!"
"I think i handled that one pretty well guys...guys?"
The other two were sprinting to the exit but it was already too late to leave without a skirmish.
"oops" Sneered the man
They were being surrounded by kournan soldiers, it was clear they would have to fight their way out.
Maxi screamed his signiture battle cry and charged in while Millie sent a volly of arrows into one Kournan's throat, meanwhile Jimmy shadow stepped to the apparant leader of the group and sent out a deadly chain of dagger attacks before the unsuspecting elementalist sould even react.
Maxi then having his adrenaline built up used a cyclone axe and a whirlwind attack decimating all those who attacked him and Millie was busy sniping off the casters who posed the most threat and mercilessly interupting their spells with her Magebane shot. Jimmy was cornered by a group of 5 warriors, but with the help of some critical deffences he fought his way out and made it to the rest of the group.
"Well, at least we saved 15 platunum!" Laughed Jimmy
"Where is that motherf**ker that ratted us out anyway? Out of all the throats i would love to shoot at right now he is like the second, but gold medals gonna have to go to Jimmy though!
"Awwww I'm touched"
"Stop it you two, this is serious! This place will be swarming with soldiers soon, were going to have to find the sancuary."
 Chapter Three,To The Sanctuary
The trio were now well away from Nandu Bay but would probably be wanted by the Kournans now.
"Wow these giant bugs are really big pushovers! I mean who would use frenzy outside of the Battle Isles?" Joked Millie
"Hey! I used to use it" Said Maxi
"And you wanted to be a survivor!"
After a few hours of walking and arguing they saw the village of Ronjok.
"So this is the base of operations for these Sunspear people you told us about? Theres only like ten of them!"
"Don't worry Jimmy theres a secret enterance
I would show you the secret enterance but if i told you im afraid i would have to kill you :P
"Wow, behind a bush! That is the most secret place ever! Heck, who needs passwords when you have shrubbery!" Laughed Millie
"Not really Millie a bush isnt a very good secret enterance at all, but I like your idea of a password!"
After a long lecture about sarcasm they entered the sancuary
 Chapter Four,Meet the Sunspears!
The three of them walked into the sancuary for the first time. Maximus seemed to know the place well. This would be their base of operations for the chapters to come (expect mindless violence people!)
They answered to Lonai and quickly rose in the ranks, the next few chapters will be about some of their more heroic missions with the Sunspears
"Erm... do i smell dead insects or something?"
"yeah you do Millie, this place swarming with em before they cleared the place out"
"So what are we going to do now Maxi?" Asked Jimmy
"I dont know, go ask Lonai"
"Haha its probably that ugly necro chick with red hair, I wonder why people from Elona are so ugly anyways?"
"Yeah thats her actually Millie, good guess, how did you know?" Asked Maxi
"Just the fact that she isn't a merchent or anything and that she's in the middle of the entire place and that lots of people are talking to her about missions and stuff"
"Wow nice hearing Millie" Said Jimmy
"Also theres a green arrow above her head"
 Chapter Five,Operation Creamed Kourn
It was night and our three heroes along with a team of five sunspears were getting ready for a raid on a Kournan Garrison
"I wonder they only let us out in groups of eight" whispered Jimmy "Wouldn't it be more practical to just have everyone for a huge party and go own them"
"Own? Dude you really got to stop using gaming lingo in real life, i mean it would be acceptable if we were avatars controlled by some guy on a magic box. But were not"
"Ok guys I'm back" Said Millie "Are we all ready to raid this fort and deliver some wtfpwnage on these nubs?"
"Guys please stop it with the gaming lingo, your really freaking me out"
Silent as the night wind itself they crept up towards the garrison under the cover of darkness. They bought the ballista with which to knock down the door and then they would just follow the plan. Millie was leading this operation.
"Ok" Whisper Millie" You there, Sunspear Warrior"
"My name, is Rick, incase you were wondering" said the sunspear quite offended
"I wasn't wondering just shoot the goddamn Ballista and everyone remember. Follow the plan and we'll be fine! Three,two,one FIRE!"
The door was knocked down and a group of kournans came to see what was going on, the sunspears however were still unseen although the patrolls would find them soonder or later. On her command the rangers and casters took out the warriors from a distance while the melee attackers dashed up to the wall still unseen by the Kournans. On her command Jimmy,Maxi a warrior and a dervish rushed in obliterating the front line. Their target was the Acolyte of Balthazar and whoever else they could take out.
Meanwhile, Millie, accompanied by a monk, an elementalist and a paragon ran onto the top ledge, taking out the bowmen and giving themselves a strategic advantage. The elementalist sent storms of fire and meteor showers onto the kournan troops, the monk used an aegis to protect the part, Millie was shooting barrages of arrows into unsuspecting Kournans who fell instantly while the paragon just kinda chucked spears and shouted futuristic movie refferences.
Jimmy sent his dagger swiftly into the skull of a Kournan monk and followed his chain up with a twisting fangs finsihing him off while the warrior with him sent down a mighty hammer blow knocking down all enemies around.
Maxi was on the front line with the dervish who were fighting their way the stairs to the acolyte, Jimmy shadow stepped in to join them. With most of the enemies dead the ranged unit came in to help. With a lessened amount of enemies Millie was focusing on single targets shooting rapid arrows into critical points and taking them down in a split second, Maxi was slashing and hacking his way through the peons to get to the top of the stairs and slay the Acolyte.
"Hahaha I pwnz 3 minions at a time in alliance battles with my holy dmg and uber armor!"
"THIS ISN'T A F**CKING VIDIO GAME!!!! EAT AXE U PILLOK!!!"
"Wow calm down Maxi" Said Jimmy as he shadow stepped from the battle
He was a tough opponent but with both of their stregnth combined they made short work of him and had him pinned against the wall
"I claim that kill!" Shouted Millie who had conveniently timed her shot to the throat
"Yeah Millie, he was just about to get up and kill"
"Shut up, Kill us even though he was on the floor AND disarmed so i think its COMPLETELY fair that you are claiming that kill""
"Cry some more? Be faster next time!"
So after a successful mission they reported back to base
 Chapter Six, Operation Creamed Kourn Two
The location, Marga Coast. Their target The Acolyte of Melandru. Their operation, not a rip off of a previous operation.
"I am leading THIS mission!" Shouted Maxi
"Yes... we know..." Murmured Millie
"I was just SHOUTING it incase someone didn't hear!"
"Thats not retarded at all"
They were approaching the garrison where the Acolyte was located
"Men! Today, we fight for honour! Today, we fight for glory! Today..."
"Shut up Maxi. Men, just kill em all cause they're fascist pilloks a'ight?"
"THIS IS ELONA!!!!!" Roared Jimmy, the men were now truly motivised
"Wow Jimmy, i never knew you could inspire courage in men!"
"Naw I just always wanted to say that"
The group of eight rushed towards the gate in true movie fassion. Massacre ensued.
Maximus roared his truly original shout "DESTRUCTOS MAXIMUS!!!!!!"
"Tonight, we dine in the mists!!!" Yet annother truly awe inspiring roar from Jimmy
After a long fight which if i had written would have contained lots of words like, blood, or Death, or Raddish! It was only the three of them left, Millie and Maxi were taking out the guards while Jimmy was locked in an epic duel of epic proportions on the epic duel arena with this Acolyte. Truly epic
"Melandru shall eat you eyessss!"
"I thought Abbadon did that..."
Oh yeah you got me. Very clever you..."
"Gutted!" Jimmy was using the literal sense of the word
As the final soldier fell the heroes looked upon the corpses of their fallen allies who had so valliently followed them into battle.
"Maxi, got a rezz?"
Nope, do you?"
"Nope, you Jimmy?"
"Shit, oh well they couldn't have had families seeing as they didnt have names"
So they walked back into the base and fed Lonai some spoon fed crap about a gass leak
Centaurs, blablabla. Master of whispers, blablabla. The Drought, blablabla.Vabbi, blablabla
 Chapter Seven,Destination Desolation!
"Wait... so that huge wurm is gonna swallow us alive? Wouldn't we like... suffocate?"
"Course not Millie, they're MAGICAL!"
"Fair 'nuff. Lets ride!"
Cue riding montage! What do you mean we don't have a riding montage? What do you mean stories can't have montages?
Well anyway you get the idea you see em riding and the solo from a7x's Second heartbeat comes in and its like FUCK YEH FUCKIN AWESOME SOLO!!
Anyways... you get the picture. They ride. Or to be slightly more precice, get eaten by a giant wurm and somehow controll it using its innards.
"I was half expecting the solo from second heartbeat to randomly start playing through that repetitive riding sequence!" Thought Jimmy out loud
"Same. Fucking awesome solo that is"
"Fuck yeh Syn Gates is an awesome guitarist!"
"Wait" Interupted Millie "Who the hell is Syn Gates?"
"Dunno. But if i did i bet he would be would be kickass guitarist and would be in a band called Avenged Sevenfold" Said Maxi
"Pfffffff Oh my god jimmy you right! My hand is hug
Anyho where was I? Oh yeah Varesh! That slut.
"Guys this is going to be tough, we might need henchmen!" Suggested Maxi
"Henchmen? ewwwwww don't we have heroes?" Asked Millie
"No Jimmy NO! If this was a vidiogame it would be. however this is real life so it is an unlikely occurance yes? UNLIKELY OCCURANCE AND I'LL KILL ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE!"
"Yes, quite. Ok then hello Devona [Fighter Henchmen] i think we'll have you, Herta, Cynn, Sologon and now we need a healing monk. Kihm how 'bout you"
"No! Don't agro them what are you doing! And Kihm your tag says healer henchmen why are you using protector prayers?! Sologon this is not the time for singing BALLADS! Devona moron what use is running faster when were CORNERED!? Herta why are you using a ward against melee?!"
"Because... of... the pixies? Yes the pixes i am using ward against pixies are you BLIND Millie?! You suck, u need some FRIENDS! hahahahha. Friends... that is a silly,silly word."
"hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Yah. Well why do you look high?" asked Millie
"I'm STONED gahahaha...hahaha.haha...haaaaa These guys are just hysterical they really are! Thanks for asking..."
"I think you have a problem there Herta."
"Haahaha look.A Shiny, shiny nickel. it flutters in the breeze like a shiny,shiny nickel
Anyway after they got the picture that you shouldn't do high(ish) end missions with henchies alone they tried other methods
"LF group for mission..."
"Hey I am a warrior/monk I deal effective warrior damage while efficiantly healing myself through the use of healing prayers thus making a well rounded character who helps to take the pressure off of monks! Especially through the use of mending which offers good regeneration without the need for upkeep meaning i can concentrate fully on my role!"
"Hey I am a W/E with my deadly combination of hamstring and fire storm i can release an almighty reign fo fire of them and watch them slowly limp away! dealing insane damage to him! I even bring power attack to further increase my damaging potential!"
Anyway, surprizingly enough they die!
One last resort
"LF run! Will pay!"
So... yeah they get a run. Doing it prorly is for pussies and poor people. Amirite? Of course I am...
 Abbadon's Crib
This would be their greatest challange yet. Here their journey would take an evil and twisted turn!
"I just realised something Maxi!"
"And what that be Jimmy?"
"Theres some nice graphics here!"
"Graphics? GRAPHICS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
"Erm Jimmy, Maxi's Name just turned red..."
"Oh dear... this isnt very good at all is it? Time for the big guns! I am using "Teh HaxX0oorz NUB!!!"
Shout: rants at opponents(in leetspeak) about how you are so much beter than them and target foe attacks 400% fatser and does 1000 rage damage with each hit from being so angry at you
"Wow. That wasn't very good at all was it?"
~Melandrus Lil Ho has left the game~
"NOW YOU DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"You bitch Millie... you goddamn bitch!"
"I WILL DESTROY THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!" I am using "Town glitch"
You gain the abilitie to run into town, killing all in your way then their accounts get deleted and they get a virus that make their computer explode
"You, are, shitting me... right?"
Will the gw world be safe from maxi's rampage? Where has Millie gone to? And will Herta overcome her drug problem?
Find out in the nexy exciting installment off...
As it turns out, Abbadon had different plans for world domnation, so he challenged Maxi to a dance off, however with abbadon mad dance skill Maxi just couldn't match up and somehow died. So yaaaay Abbadon saved the day, and then decided he didn't want to plunge the world into perpetual nightfall afterall! He just wanted to back cakes a scones for the rest of his days. And as for Millie... well that's quite a story, nothing perticualarly interesting happened to her at all!
I saw the MAJOR buggage that went down on the 3rd bithday so now its redone DM style!:P
Maxi: Erm... Ill have, Koss? Whats that i can have annother hero? how nice! Ill have Acolyte Jin yay 2 heroes free sweet! Erm you just gave me koss, wait whats going on? This is Madness!
Jimmy: No. This, is, SPARTAAAAAA!
Millie:Nope, its a big ass glitch, i just came back from hells preciple and i didn't get my f**king green! Grrrrr im so angry i could go back there and spam people about how A-net screwed us over! Grrrrrrr I'm so angry i could bust a testicle!
Jimmy: Say what?
Millie: Errrrr... i mean YOUR testicle Jimmy! *yes theyll believe that!*
Maxi: NO! I JUST ASKED FOR DUNKORO I DONT WANT HIM AGAIN ARGHHHHHHH! I just want to unlock some skills!
Jimmy: Maxi, you might wanna stop asking him now..
Maxi: F**king NO! Ill find a loophole! you'll see!
Millie: Face it. Anet rly messed this one up.
Jimmy: you know... the people who make the ga...
Jimmy:aaarm... NETS! Yes they make nets. a-NET you see...
Maxi: Yes,that what i thought you said
Millie: On the upside i just got this new mini lets open it up! Its a... a miniature tanned hide sqaure?
Jimmy: Does it do tricks?
Millies:this thing is too small to even make armor! Curse you Arenanet!!!
Maxi: GOD F**KING DAMN IT GIVE ME SOME GOD DAMNED SKILLS OR I WILL KILL YOU! I SWEAR I WILL DECAPITATE YOU AND FEED YOUR HEAD TO THE SCARABS!
Millie: Decapitate sucks...
Maxi: Stay the f**k out of this millie!
Millie: FINE! go ahead and lose all ur adren and energy! see if i care!