"The Gooch"

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"The Gooch"
Canthan peasant m sakkat.jpg
Affiliation Canthans
Type Human
Level(s) 10
Campaign Core
"The Gooch" is a shady character encountered at the Rollerbeetle Races. He previously cheated in races by greasing his beetle, Greased Lightning, but once was found out and disqualified. He has since returned to the racing, using his new beetle, Zippy, who is really Greased Lightning with a new paintjob.

Locations[edit]

Dialogue[edit]

During Canthan New Year 2007

"You know what the secret is to having a fast beetle? Obviously you don't, or you'd be as successful as I am. But I'll tell you only because I pity you. The trick is... you've got to grease 'em up, really good. Get 'em all slick like."
Did you just say you grease the beetle?
That's right! You've really got to work it in, give it a healthy shine and lube every nook and cranny. Don't miss a single spot on that shell. There are some folks who say that's cheating. Those people I casually refer to as "sore losers"."
Please excuse me. I have a restraining order waiting for me with your name on it.

Since Canthan New Year 2008

"Hrmph. Those losers don't know who they are messing with. If it weren't for me and ol' Zippy here, no one would come to these blasted races. What this sport needs is a star, not some play-by-the-rules prettybeetle. Say, wanna help me exact my revenge?"
Revenge? Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you that guy who greases his beetles? And where's Greased Lightning?
"Ah, a memory like a siege turtle and looks to match! You're a bright one, aren't you. The commissioner disqualified my beetle. Perhaps I was a bit too generous with the pig fat. The darn thing left a viscous goo trail during the time trials. Next thing you know there was a four beetle pile up at turn three, and now they want me to pay the entomological bills! I'm ready to sabotage that fool commissioner's skybox with a nest of termites. Bah!"
"I have to rethink my strategy. The first step is a name change. Greased Lightning may be feared in Cantha, but no one's ever heard of Zippy here. Sure, it's the same damn bug but I don't think anyone will notice...certainly not that pompous commissioner, right?"
Excuse me. I have to go see a...guy...about a...thing.