User:Snograt/Diary of Sploosh

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Elona

09 May 2023 - We just rescued a bunch of horsies for another horsey whose racist attitude left a lot to be desired.

10 May 2023 - How embarrassing. Just lost 304k xp worth of survivor to ..."Palawa Joko."

Ascalon

11 May 2023 - Really not in the mood for the hassles of Dzagonur Bastion, so took a trip to LA. Now committing mass horsie genocide as I wend my way towards Ascalon.

12 May 2023 - Tears of the Kingdom happened.

16 May 2023 - Mapped everything between LA and Ascalon, plus everything south.

17 May 2023 - Completed all missions from the Great Northern Wall to my arrival back at LA.

18 May 2023 - Frolicked with my old piggy pal. Also saved the life of some holy army fella who kindly made me a White Mantle Knight. That's good, right?

19 May 2023 - Somehow ended up in a bleeding jungle. I hate jungles. Too many bugs - popping up, dropping down, poisoning like a bitch. I hate bugs. And mesmer balloons. So many mesmer balloons. I hate them.

20 May 2023 - Busy day. Completed the jungle in its entirety so that I never need go back. Mapped the whole shebang, too. Now I'm back in Kryta, where I picked up a message for some princess who's arse is sitting in the middle of nowhere. She had better be worth it.

21 May 2023 - Weeeere off to see the vizier, the wonderful vizier of Orr. Cough. Anyway, murdalized a multitude of mantle, cleared out a passel of towers, and gave succor to a ghost. "Take me to my resting place?" Dude, it's right there - just jump down, it's literally three feet away. Yeesh. Anyway, met this awfully nice vizier chap, and we're off to a desert. At least we'll be leaving all those crawlers and scarabs behind!

22 May 2023 - Welp, the desert was a breeze. Mainly doing busywork for ghosts. Ended up fighting a doppelganger of myself, whom I empathised with so hard he died. This led me to another frustratingly large area with several zone-wide annoyances. I particularly hated the zone of all-fall-down. I met the big dragon responsible for this whole mess, and killed her. Ended up back in the cold place, where I had a very embarrassing meeting with the ghost of the dragon I just killed.

23 May 2023 - Another busy day. Southern Shiverpeaks done, lots of cartographising. Saved the arse of that damn dwarf yet again - that's three times now. I died again in the iron mines - triggered a bonus objective at the worst possible time. I hate dying - it stings.

24 May 2023 - So, that was Tyria. A gentle stroll through the Ring of Fire islands to round things up. Betrayed by a vizier of all people. Whod'a thunk it? 81% of the map is pretty good, considering I just went mission to mission from the ice caves to Thunderhead. Only missed out on two bonuses; Thirsty River because I just plumb forgot about the fragile king, and Hell's Precipice because the damn seer got ganked before I could get to him - that has never happened to me before in 18 years of playing.

Not sure what to do next, it's a choice of tidying up the Tyrian map, going back to Elona, going very grudgingly to Cantha, or heading to the Eye.

25 - 27 May 2023 Finished off my map of Tyria.

28 May 2023 - Dzagonur Bastion as as awful as expected. Lost a bombard or two. Had a bit of light relief by twatting a horde of demons in Grand Court of Sebelkeh, then even more fun twatting an army of demons in a gloomified Nundu Bay. In other news, I picked up a new mesmer. He'll warm the bench nicely.

29 May 2023 - We got to play with wurms today. I hate wurms. Met a nice elderly gentleman who taught us how to ride the damn things, then we went and killed Varesh, which almost made up for it.

6 June 2023 - Met the lich and some Shiro guy and got my arse handed to me. Went off to sulk in the Far Shiverpeaks, met some giants, some midgets, an old friend from Ascalon who's mysteriously aged about 12 years, and a Great Destroyer, which I destroyed. Have to choose whether to get another arse-kicking in Madness, or go to Cantha (ugh.)

15 June 2023 - Had a whirlwind tour of Cantha. Not impressed. An awful lot of slums and sewers, then what greenery exists is fought over by hippies and goths. Met that Shiro fellow again - took me less than 2 minutes to kill him, including the walk to get to him. Wish he was this easy in Gate of Madness. Will spend a while mapping stuff and collecting some skills from the goths. Or hippies. Will try and remember how to kill those freaks at the end of GoM.